Going with the Flow

When I let go and let God, I am blessed beyond measure, but I need to remind myself frequently to do that. Sometimes I start resisting b/c in my perception, things are not going the way I want. That is when I need to realize that perception is how I see things, but I have a narrow lens, not the huge view finder that God has. For instance, in 2002 and 2003, the Lawrence Public School district of Lawrence, KS, laid off 131 educators. I was one of them. I had taught twenty years, but I was new to this district. As a non-tenured teacher in my first year here, I didn’t survive the budget cuts. I was devastated. I railed against the injustice of it all. Now six years later, I see that it was a blessing in disguise. It actually led to the desire of my heart. I now am a substitute teacher, or a guest teacher (my preference of title since I know that I am a real teacher, not a substitute). I have flexibility in my day. I didn’t understand it at the time, but now I have clarity. “In the same way, we can see and understand only a little about God now, as if we were peering at His reflection in a poor mirror, but someday, we are going to see Him in His completeness, face to face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now.” I Corinthians 13:12. Now I am able to go to work everyday, enjoy the kids, and come home with no papers to grade or parents to contact. What a blessing! I used to prepare for classes for hours. Now I can truly enjoy the whole experience and have plenty of time left over for my family and travel. The absolute wonder of the situation is this. For the twenty years I needed a contract position, I had one. When I was a single mother, struggling to raise my daughters without child support, I always had a contract job. Now that I am happily remarried and on my husband’s health plan, I no longer need a contract job and all the stress that goes with it. I am truly following my bliss. In the fall of 2004, Mom sold the family ranch in the Sandhills of Nebraska and divided the money up among her children. I used that funding to pay off our lovely home so now we have no house payments. Isn’t it surprising? My job layoff, something that appeared so devastating, was actually a most wonderful catalyst for a very positive change in my life. Had I known all that was forthcoming, my perception of my layoff would have changed from something very traumatic to something very joyous in an instant! Instead of crying about it, I would have been celebrating, but then I looked “through the glass darkly” instead of with the clarity I now have. The Dalai Lama said, "Remember, not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck."